Many a night I lay awake thinking of the meaningfullness of my existance. Then I fall asleep as does everyone eventually. I don't usually dream.....but this time I did.
I saw myself, with my family. I awake in my grandmother's house. I awoke, sweating, struggling. Irritated by the imprisonment off my wrapings and the sheets on top of my skin. I broke my left hand free, in a half dazed state-of-mind, then release my lower body,legs and all from the sheets with a lazy tug. I swung my right leg over the edge of the bed, and followed it in a semi-similar motion. I arose my torso and slopily raised my head. I unlatched my drowzy eyes and opened them to gaze upon my surroundings. Not really taking them in right then but realising what was there after later thought. I sat on a bed, kept tidy until the arrival of another family member, which burdened me with the thought of not messing them. I was in a sleeping bag not a bed, as I had thought. Then that realization brought forth the acknowledgement that I had heard the zipper undoing itself when I had opened it. The comforter upon which my sleeping bag lay was prodominatly red. An odd quilt patter was made on it. The designs which filled the square a many upon its face were of flowers. Lilys I believe. Though am not postive. The sleek outer face of my sleeping bag glared sunlight into my eyes. It was painful but not physically. Not emotionally either, I don't even know if it was even painful to me, once I had given it thought. My mind only associated it with pain. I transgress from this though. The room around me was a vivid white, no white attainable by paint. Only that it was embued with light to create this illusion of what was to my human eyes white. A dull grey wicker chair stand off to the left of me, taking up the farest leftward corner of the room. Behind it an inch or so lay a closet filled with boxes. I did not see these boxes, but I knew there existence in this realm was behind that very door. I was absolutely sure that they were there. I would be more than willing to bet my hands on their station there. Yet I do not know why. In front of me and safety to my left again, but this object next to the bed, was a painted greyish white nightstand that had a gradual chipping of it's paint. A false gold lamp lay upon it, it's shade a bloody red, it's inter-thread workings were brought to my sight by the light of a window place behind it to the right on the wall. I swung my head away from the lamps objective setting and looked upon its opposite wall. A dusty dress painted in a similar fashion as to the nightstand. Red roses like stenciled paintings laded on two of its bigger drawers, the paint had faded to pink. On top of the dresser was a small television, it's brand name was plated on it's familar face. I didnt see the full name, its started with an "I" I believe with an odd "D" shaped logo just above it. The screen was dust covered as was its holder. I yawned and truly opened my eyes. I stood in a lazy fashion, but not so much lazy as groogy. An uncomfortable dizzyness came about me, I stumbled forward, falling into the wall. Landing on the molding of the outer-rim of the door which I was to exit out of the room. My cheek lay pressed against that molding for a minute until I gained my senses again enough to displace it. To my right was a standard wooden door, painted white, its grain showed plainly through. At the height of my hip and to the right was a the door's knob. Painted a false mirror gold. Ugly. I reached for it with my stiff right hand and clasped it, the painted retained the cold air of the room, though I couldnt feel that fact. I knew it.
I turned it, I felt the mechanical workings within it studder as I turned. Once I turned with certainty's force it clicked and let me free. A rush of air ran into the room, and as I dove my head into the newer realm infront of my being it still came, a torrent. Forbodding possibly or just a figment of my imagination. In actuality I don't know what happened.
I stepped out right foot first and followed with my less confident left. I captured what was infront of me with hawk like sight. A amazing sight in my minds eye, less so to my ignorant eyes. A terrifying long hallway which consumed me with dread. Three possible passages with closed off entrances, and open fair opening nearer the end. Two of those passages lay to my left, similarly shaped. Complemtary to eachother. And down past the open passage was the final door, same as the last only this one had two swinging doors. All of them head the same irritating mirrored gold door knob. I twitched my head a little to the right, this revealing a fourth door, this one was open. I walked toward it. Unknown nor deserved feelings of anger welled up inside my core. I stepped through the doorway and entered a bathroom. A long passage way with a counter extactly it's length had two sinks, four drawers, and two cabinets. They matched. At the end of the corridor of the bathroom lay another small room with a toilet and a shower with a red currtain. I stood infront of the sink nearest the door. I turned to face the wall behind the sink. On it was a mirror. I gazed at myself, not in an act of narasism, more as a way of making sure I was still me, whole, and human. I muttered to myself and check to make sure I was real "Brown hair" I sputtered as I clenched some of my hair in hand "Green eyes......my noes....cheek...." I said in a fading off tone as I checked and prodded my face. I leaned back and sighed, giving an exhausted air to my hopeless bewildering state which occured uninhibited. I walked out of that now depressing room and wander up the now toneless hallway. Now having no doors and to defining characteristics other than the doors I came out of and the passageway through which I was to pass. I treaded like a mechanical and biological being, being that I was a human going forward without thinking. I walked with feet of lead and with a manner closer to that of a monster, yet I still continued, lead forward by whatever compells such men. I came to hallway's end and turned to my right walking into a large white box of a room on it's right most face. I with out thinking walk to and out the plain door. Stepping to a cobble court yard with only a black barred gate infront of me. I walked forward in a slowed down sequence.
A poetic implosion of thoughts destroyed my thoughts.


"I'm a carnal, organic anagram
Human flesh instead of written letters
I rearrange my pathetic tissue
I incise, I replace, I'm reformed
I eradicate the fake pre-present me
Elevate me to a higher human form
The characters I am
Headed to a world Godly
Then I'll be the new norm
Self inflicted fractures
I replace my bones with bars
Aluminum bleeding oxide
Drug of Gods into my pounding veins

My decieving eyes exchanged with fuses
Blindness induced to prevent destruction
Ceramic blades implanted
Past my ribs to save me from the due of inhalation
I tear my worldly, useless skin
Staples to pin it over my ears
Non-receptive of Ungodly sounds
I disable the audio-generators of fear

Hexagonal bolts
To fill my mouth
Sharpened to deplete
The creator of all violence
Without speech there will be no deciet

Baptized in vitriolic acid
A final touch, a smoothing of features
Completion, of the greatest art
To cast the Godly creatures
Humans once astray, made divine
Stripped of congenital flaws
We're incandescent revelations
In a world of darkened forms

Disciples, come join with me
To save a failed humanity
Follow the God of cyanide
Into the new eternity
Behold, a sacrificial race
A cleansing worshipping of pain
The new millenium christ
Here to redeem all from lies"

These tones lack explanation nor recieved questioning while I passed through that gate, unhindered I saw my family. Or what I believed to be my family, they lacked faces or shape. They were generic to my mind. We got into a white sedan like car and drove off. With out word or question. The car made no sounds nor did once we drove have anyone in it, but me. I saw nothing but a generic white outside of the car. I fell asleep. Some time later, which I thought was about a day or so I regain conscience and find my self standing in a long white hallway with my mother and father. And I began to follow then, down this long white hallway which reminded me off a psychiatric ward. Suddenly I felt like I had several rocks in my mouth, just rolling around. I opened my mouth and several teeth fell out. My mother freaked and ran down the hallway. I father stayed behind me and I ran after my mom. I whipped around a left corner and came to a sign that read "Nursing Station". I ran under the sign and found a small "conveyor belt" the size of a human on the floor. I sat down and slid into it. With little head room I rode this converyor for several feet. Then the lowered roof above me lifted. revealing a system of rooms around me, I attempted to stand but a subconscious force kept me down and shouted "SEATED". I lay seated as commanded. I came into a room with my ornate men standing in odd boxes, they were all wearing outfits similar to that of an orderly's. A light green face mask was worn by all of the men. They each also held in their hands odd needle looking devices. The one that came closest to me first looked down at me and started shouting something in a mangled mess of words droned out by a screaming that came out a man infront of me on the conveyor. I shouted back at the orderly looking fellow and he slashed the needle at me tearing my arm. I yelped in pain as I continued down passed him. Then next one to come near me slashed at my neck stabbing me straight in the neck. I cursed at him in a rage fitting to my pain. I yelled at the top of my lungs continuing down this conveyor from hell. I struggled to free my self but a pyscho-physical bond kept me laying flat. I kicked some of the orderly hands away long enough for them to miss me with their needles. Others just cut my legs. I came into a dark room with odd spotlights on two arenas. They both contained men who had hacks and marks on their skin, no doubt they under went my same torment. The areans looked like they required you to do two different forms of combat. On where you fought with your bare fists, and the other where you were to bash others in odd wheelchair looking devices. I was picked up by a orderly with a plastic smile on his face that disturbed all my senses and he threw me into the circle with the bare fisted men. He shouted after me "HAVE SOME CRUELTY" I'm not sure what these words were to imply but they became all to clear. I landed in the ring hard enough to knock me senseless for a few seconds. I managed to get to my feet and once I did I was able to see the vastness of this operation. Hundreds of kicking and crying individuals being dumped and slashed at like animals. Yet they were crying and whining like children. A fast sudden swing to the face collided with my cheek. A man punched me, the man who was shouting for help infront of me earlier. I was stunned by this. Then he began to kick me. I curled up and took his blows, having my knees beaten into my chest and my spine bent inward and more so into my torso. I shouted at the man then burst to my feet, swiftly swing my forearm forward and hitting him square in the chest. The man fell backward on to his buttocks writhing in pain, and shouting some odd gibberish. I stomped on his rib cage until I felt it sink inward. Broken. His blood seeped out of his back, his chest deflated from the loss of blood and air. I looked at him with hysterical eyes, shouting in my head "THIS CAN'T BE REAL". I stood and inhaled in a primal fashion then exhaling deeply. Another unexpected blow befell my back. I stumbled forward and was kicked again on the back, being knocked flat on my stomach. I angrily flipped over and raised my leg I kicked in the mysterious persons knee cap, hearing it crunch. They fell backward crying and yelping, I got to my foot and looked the person in the eyes. My father. I fell to my knees, I wept and cryed as a baby and yelled "WHY FATHER WHY, WHY ARE WE HEAR, WHY ARE WE DOING THIS, WHY OH WHY, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU" I shouted again "WHAAA" mid-speech I began falling. No inhbited reason other than I felt my desecent. No light, no thoughts, no screaming, no crys , no pain, no hope. I screamed in a gibberish that I didnt acknowledge to be human then I felt my desecent slow then suddenly.........
"AHhhhhhhhh!", "Congratulations ma'am, it's a beautiful baby boy" cryed a very tired doctor. "Ohh oh oh! He's....he's perfect hehe...." gasped a young mother, "Honey come look at your new son."



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